The Real Ben Cohen

I Want To Thank Oscar, Who I Don’t Normally Associate With Iran: Mandatory Post-Oscar Rant

First off, the Academy Awards do not matter. Not like, we all have different opinions and the Academy is wrong and blah blah blah. No, like, the Academy Awards REALLY do not matter. Filmmaking is not the NBA. You can’t score more points than another film and be the best. Spielberg is not Kobe Bryant and Ang Lee is not Jeremy Lin. Yeah, I understand the cultural racism. Ang Lee isn’t Chinese-American and Kobe only LOOKS Jewish. 

The Academy Awards are a resume booster and self-sustaining circle jerk that do a very important service to a lot of people’s careers and personal lives. It’s not a political organization (sorry, Clooney). It’s not a tragedy on the level of the films that they nominate. It’s a fun and light conversation that helps good artists do better work. Without the nomination from Winter’s Bone, Jennifer Lawrence doesn’t do Silver Linings. This is what we should value it for. There’s no need to get angry that Ben Affleck wasn’t nominated for Best Director. He’ll be fine. He wasn’t ACTUALLY stuck in the Iranian Revolution. He’s Ben Affleck. He got through Bennifer 1 and Gigli. He’ll be fine. 

We all know Argo won because the academy loves movies about movies and movies directed by actors (see: Ordinary People, Braveheart, The Artist). We also know that the academy had NO CHOICE but to finally give the Best Supporting Actress award to Golem. She always gets her preciouses. Thanks, Hathaway!

Those of you who followed me on facebook last night already know I was in a groove—but not as much as Daniel Day Lewis. If Seth Macfarlane was as unfunny as American Dad, Daniel Day Lewis was apparently studying for his new role as Johnny Carson. More importantly though, I’m struck by how much this discussion of what makes a “Best” superlative in Hollywood. I hear people rail about how much they loved The Avengers, but then say something like Argo deserves to be a “Best.” I’ve heard people talk about how great that little girl was in Beasts of the Southern Wild but not even mention the moving poetry of Andrew Garfield in The Amazing Spiderman or Jack Black in Bernie. I personally loved Beasts of the Southern Wild, but why can’t we all just admit that the Academy Awards (and really, all of the awards for that matter) are based upon a cultural campaign that costs Hollywood millions of dollars? It’s easier to sell a brilliant child actress than a superhero performance—unless he’s dead like Heath. 

When I teach screenwriting, my students often start yelling matches with each other over which is better, Django or Les Mis. I vividly remember doing so when I was younger—particularly when Crash and Million Dollar Baby won the Oscar. I get it, it’s fun and games, but far too often I hear people take this shit WAY too seriously. Films deserve to be celebrated and great filmmakers deserve recognition, but calm it down. You don’t like that Silver Linings Playbook lost the Oscar, well it won the Indie Spirit and you probably prefer indie movies anyway. You don’t like that Scott Pilgrim’s never been nominated for anything? It’s a cult classic at Comic Cons every year. You think your mother has terrible taste because she liked Driving Miss Daisy? Have a discussion about race and find out why she liked it. Don’t let her use the Academy as why it’s a good film. Remember, we like things because we like things. We have our own human opinions. 

I know I sound high and mighty. God forbid I ever got to the stage, but sincerely, Martin Scorsese and Woody Allen have both professed the ridiculousness of this ceremony in the past. Scorsese claims he became a better filmmaker because he so regularly lost—he never pandered. Woody Allen won’t show up due to social anxiety/he finds it absurd to name something “the Greatest.” Truth is, history more regularly sides with the non-sensational artists who don’t pander. You really think Paul Haggis will be remembered more than Wes Anderson? You really think we’ll remember Anna Paquin as Academy Award Winning Anna Paquin or Rogue/True Blood Anna Paquin? 

Keep watching movies. Keep loving movies. Keep joking about movies and thinking about why you like them. But please relax on facebook, twitter, and at family gatherings, people. Movies about the Holocaust are not the Holocaust. Movies about Slavery are not slavery. It’s just not that big a deal.  

I had fun this award season. My friends were hilarious on facebook and twitter. The movies were generally pretty good. Tarantino gave a sincere speech that made Jamie Foxx and myself cry. For the first time ever, I got to participate in WGA voting. I admit, it felt good to vote for the TV shows that won. But my relationship with the industry shouldn’t begin and end with the ups and downs of the award season. Don’t shut yourself off from the discussion now. Watch Shameless, Iron Man 3, or whatever your springtime pleasures are. Don’t think that because Anne Hathaway doesn’t cry in your film, it’s any less of a film. In fact, it’s probably far more.